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Stacey Dash recently stopped by Jamie Foxx’s Foxxhole radio show on Sirius to chop it up about marriage and dating, among other things. During the interview, Stacey mentioned that she had sex with all 3 of her husbands on the first date, something that goes directly against common dating advice. To paraphrase, she said she wouldn’t marry someone with whom the sex isn’t good, and she wants to find out early if the D is good. And I can’t say I blame her in that regard.

I wouldn’t have sex with someone on the first date…but I don’t follow common dating advice that says to wait three months to have sex with a guy either. That’s just too long. If I’m seeing a new person and we haven’t had sex by three months of dating, it’s likely that it won’t happen and we’ll just end up being friends.

Every person is different, it just depends on the comfort level between the man and woman, and the rapport they’ve built with each other. I want to know sooner rather than later what I’d be getting into sexually with a person. If the sex is bad, then I’ll know we can’t date, because good sexual chemistry is important to me. But if the D is good, and we have a good rapport with one another, I’d think “this could be love.” :*D

To those who will say its whorish to have sex with someone on the first date, or within the first month of dating a guy, remember that time isn’t the measure of a whore. Time is arbitrary. The measure of ho is when a woman doesn’t have anything of value to offer except sex, which she uses to garner and sustain male attention.

So readers, share your thoughts on this one. Sex on the first date? Yes ? No? Only in Miami? Leave comments!

Image borrowed from Alphanista.com

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If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, you probably know I don’t like holidays. They’re just so pressure filled..you HAVE to buy an outfit, attend celebrations, buy gifts, blah blah. I love socializing, but holidays stress me the fuck out, Valentine’s Day being the worst of the bunch.

I won’t make this post an anti-Valentine’s Day rant as I’ve done years’ past, but I do want to explore ways for people to enjoy a day that doesn’t always hail good memories. It could just be timing, but it seems like I’ve been single every year on Valentine’s Day. I think its cursed for me. *Burning sage*

So if you’re single, just broke up with someone, or have an aversion to holidays, there are ways to make it a good time and not feel like you’re missing out on Valentine’s Day.

• Go out with your friends. There are a gazillion Valentine’s Day parties in my ‘hood. There probably are in your area too, so grab the homies and go party!
• Or throw a party. Surround yourself with good company, good food, and drinks. Toast to life!
• Fall in love with yourself. Don’t go narcissistic, but practice acts of self love. Show yourself some appreciation – eat a nice meal, get a mani/pedi, buy those overpriced shoes you’ve been eyeing.
• Work on your projects. Start that blog, begin that piece of artwork you’ve been brainstorming on, or organize your closet. Do something that will put you in a state of “flow” and keep you engaged and occupied.
• If all else fails, and you’re really not feeling it…pop a few Tylenol PMs, and sleep through Valentine’s Day. By the time you wake up, it will be over

*Note – I ain’t no doctor, so take any medical advice I dish out with a grain of salt. I don’t need any liabilities, ya heard!?!

No matter how you spend it, I wish everyone a fun, safe, and loving Valentine’s Day! If no one loves you, Hip Hop Muse loves ya!

Image: The Diva Rockin‘

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*In my DJ Clue voice* New shit! Amerie Ft. Fabolous! More than Love! Whooooooaaaaa! </DJ Clue voice>. I really like this song, maybe because it speaks to a recent experience of mine. It’s hard loving a hip hop dude!

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These two are giving me an Ike & Tina vibe...

Urban blogs are buzzing with the news that Mary J. Blige hauled off and punched her husband Kendu in the face at her album release party at M2 Lounge in NYC the other night. Supposedly he was flirting with other women at the party, and she got pissed. Mary was probably justified in feeling disrespected at Kendu’s actions, but violence in relationships is not okay, even where the woman is the aggressor.

While it was wrong for Mary to go Elin Woods on her man, her displeasure at his actions is understandable. It’s disrespectful for a guy to openly flirt with other women in the presence of his significant other. It’s humiliating to her, and shows that he doesn’t care about her feelings. Even if he flirts with other women when she’s not around (NOT hooking up with other chicks) it’s just an outlet for him to release sexual energy. If he’s using his penis to release sexual energy, that’s another issue. Harmless flirting when your girl isn’t around is fine, but openly flirting with other women in front of your significant other isn’t cool at all.

The moral of the story here:  fellas, don’t flirt with other women in front of your girl. It’s disrespectful. And ladies, don’t hit your men. Because if he has knee jerk reaction and hits you back, you’ll be ready to call the police and  Pookie & them.

Image: Eurweb

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The worst part about being single in the during the holidays  (aside from pretending to be happy at parties and gatherings) is not having a warm body next to you when you wake up on a cold, winter morning. Even if you’re generally content with singlehood, let’s face it.  It’s just better if you have someone to snuggle up with. Who can’t use the body heat? Especially if he has nice arms. Studies have shown cuddling is good for you. There are even cuddle party events out there (I think that’s taking it too far).

If you’re totally fine with being alone during winter, then this post isn’t for you. But if you would rather have a warm body next to you than not, keep reading. Honor your needs and desires, and grab a wintertime boo.

There’s nothing wrong with having a seasonal boyfriend or girlfriend. Many people in our lives are only there for a season, anyway. Why not have that special person that you can hang out with, have fun, and snuggle up with in front of the fireplace (or space heater)? By the time spring returns, you’ll be flirty and frivolous again, so make the best of winter and get a snuggle buddy!

So tell me. Do you have a winter boyfriend or girlfriend?

Image: Female First

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We’ve all seen the movie “Coming To America” starring Eddie Murphy (one of my all time favorite flicks). A former nurse’s aide out of Maryland and Pennsylvania just so happens to be a real life incarnation of the film.

For years, Charles Wesley Mumbere worked as a nurse’s aide in Maryland and Pennsylvania, caring for the elderly and sick. No one there suspected that he had inherited a royal title in his African homeland when he was just 13.

That’s crazy, right? The article says he has a son and daughter, but there was no mention of a wife. So if you stumble across King Mumbere, you may want to holla. You may get to become the “Queeeeeeen to beeeeeeeeee!” It’s probably far fetching, but it goes to show you that it pays to give a blue collar guy consideration. He may turn out to be worldly, intelligent, respectful, and a king! Nurse’s aide or janitor today, CEO, lawyer, or Ugandan king tomorrow. I’m just saying.

source

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via Getty Images

An issue that seems to plague many women (and men) and keep them in unsatisfying relationships is that the situation is unequally yoked. By this I mean when it comes to certain values, there is an inconsistency or difference of opinion. When the basic values that matter to people aren’t met, the result is usually dissatisfaction.

We tend to think if we’re in love with someone, that’s all that’s needed to have a successful relationship. But love is not enough. People need real, functionally working skills to have a fulfilling relationship. Like…

1. Can you and your partner disagree without the conversation escalating into a full scale blowout?  It’s perfectly normal to not always agree on certain points, but you should be able to talk about things without arguing all the time. Some people think constant arguing equates passion, but arguing over every little thing isn’t what relationships should be like.

2. Do you and your partner agree on basic values such as marriage, family, children, lifestyle, etc.? Sometimes people focus on the wrong “things in common” with a partner. Like, “me and Jo-Jo both loooove Mocha Almond Fudge Ice Cream…we must be soul mates!” Nah. You and your partner can have completely different likes, dislikes, and tastes but what really matters is that you share similar views on spirituality, whether you both want children, where you want to live, when to get married, and your stance on monogamy.

3. The biggest issue that causes partners to be unequally yoked is an imbalance of power. Meaning, the focus is usually more on one person than it is on the other, resulting in someone’s needs not being met. Sometimes people manipulate the situation to make the whole relationship about them, and other times people take it upon themselves to focus completely on their partner, thinking they are doing the right thing for the relationship. To be fair, occasional imbalances of power are a normal facet of healthy relationships. Sometimes things will be 60-40, or even 80-20 depending on life situations that can impact relationships. But when this imbalance is at the core of the relationship,  an integral part of the relationship, someone will surely be left out in the cold.

I know what works for me by trial and error. I encourage you to explore and challenge yourself and decide what works for you, and what doesn’t.

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image via dailymail.co.uk

It doesn’t seem to occur to people to get a damn job. First Kelis demands (and wins) tens of thousands of dollars per month in child support from Nas, now Big Pun’s widow is crying broke and claiming she and her children are living in a shelter. Coming from a single parent home, I know firsthand the plight of a single mom. I watched my mother struggle sometimes to take care of myself and my little sister. Millions of women make ends meet for their for their families on far less money than these women. These chicks need a major reality check.  

In Kelis’s case, she’s taken care of. She’s set. Her child support award gives her more than enough money to take care of herself and her baby. I agree that Nas needs to support his child, but $40,000 a month? That’s more than some people make in a year. Yes, I’m hating. Maybe I should go the rapper baby mama route instead of having a career.  Fuck me for earning an honest living, that’s my bad. I know when you become accustomed to living a certain lifestyle you can’t go back from that. I live in California, a place where such ideals are mandated under community property law. If you marry a rich dude in Cali with no prenup, be prepared to come up! But I digress. 

Kelis has her own money, it just seems selfish for her to hit Nas’s pockets like that. She had a successful career before she married him.  I just have a difficult time believing it costs $40,000 a month to raise a child. I think she could get by on $10k-$15k. Is Nas even balling like that? Even Diddy was ordered to pay his BM $30,000 in child support. He makes way more money than Nas. All Nas does is rap, he isn’t the most diverse hip hop artist when it comes to multiple income streams. This is the exact reason men tend to drag their feet on committing and marrying women, because if they link up with the wrong one, it’s financially detrimental.

As far as Big Pun’s widow, Liza Rios, how come she just doesn’t get a job? She’s crying broke, talking about how that $160,000 from Pun’s publishing went through her fingers like water. It’s possible that Pun’s legacy wasn’t worth as much money as she thought. He could have gotten a bad deal from the record label. Clearly I don’t know her and what she’s gone through, but why not get a job? She should have used some of that money to get some skills so she can take care of her family. Or hell, find another husband to take care of you. Anything. A woman should never be broke, whether you work, hustle, or do whatever you have to do to support yourself and your children. 

I know Kelis doesn’t give a shit about what I say, because she’s obviously making waaaay more money than I will likely see in a long ass time. And Mrs. Rios would prolly shank me in the streets for my words. But it doesn’t change the fact that these women seem like shiftless lazy chicks who have an aversion to working.

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Check out my guest post on Alphanista.com, “Dating a Baller: 101″

http://www.alphanista.com/dating-a-baller-101/

Thanks Maryann!

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One of the best songs about hip hop, imo. Brought to you by an OG b-girl, Ms. Erykah Badu.

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